“NEVER pray to FIT in, WHEN you were BLESSED, to STAND out.” Cindy Daniel
My twin sister always has something to say. For individuals lucky enough to be born multiples, fitting in is something that is far more difficult than it might sound. Not everyone accepts your twin as you do.
One of my Fort Worth FMC clients is a twin. Her sister doesn’t want her to marry a federal inmate. My client is determined that this inmate is her soul mate. I’ve spoken to both twins the past several days regarding what one twin wants and what the other twin expects, a heartbroken twin is the only conclusion the twin can have and she’s researched to shoe her sister the statistics. For the record, a very small margin of my clients marrying an inmate in State, Federal, County, or ICE Facilities, the numbers reported for divorce are staggering. However, I stay in touch with my client’s and have had only 6 clients contact me regarding a divorce for varying reasons.
Marrying an inmate doesn’t constitute “an automatic divorce.” In fact, many of my formerly incarcerated clients are now on the outside and adjusting well to life after lockup.
Convincing a twin that what her sister wants and is sure about is best for her has been stressful. After all, I didn’t want Cindy to marry her first husband and she didn’t want me to marry my first husband either. Both marriages ended in divorce. Both husbands were possessive and controlling as well as being jealous of our relationship with each other. We raised Cindy’s daughters and my son together as a twin team and made a rule that if the next person that proposed to either of us didn’t get along with our twin that we would take a hard pass. We stuck to this rule. You can replace a spouse. You cannot replace a twin.
As children, Cindy and I were automatically separated in school. We had no choice. As adults, we fought for and won twin laws that give parents the right to choose whether or not to separate multiples. Educators aren’t psychologists. They have no idea how traumatic it is for twins to report to their first day of school and be torn apart. Cindy and I do. Cindy is and has been raising her twin grandchildren, Maryssa and Makenna for 16 years now. Only two years did they decide to take separate classes and both times the results were disastrous.
Maryssa and Makenna both have boyfriends and these boyfriends are on good terms with the twins. They all get along.
Using my experience as a multiple, I suggested the twin “on the outside of this relationship goes to visit the inmate with her twin. Get to know him. Learn about his family, background, goals and hopes. Share your feelings and concerns. Shake off what you think simply because he’s incarcerated.”
I have no idea of she will take me up on this but Cindy and I are happily married because our husbands get along. Maryssa and Makenna are happy because their boyfriends get along.
For anyone planning to marry a twin, here’s a few tips… don’t try to separate multiples. You may never understand their twinship and that’s okay. Accept that their relationship is different than other siblings because it is.
Now moving on the October clients scheduled to marry at a beautiful venue in San Antonio that cancelled the night of the rehearsal dinner due to the strong conflict of varying political views from one family to the other. I’m going to once again state that you don’t have to have the same political stance as your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers or even your fiancée. Your vote is your voice and your choice. Why these arguments keep occurring on location I have no idea. Politics and religion have no place at a wedding rehearsal or a wedding reception. My clients have finally worked through their issues and rescheduled.
Weddings are life events and spouses are life partners. You don’t get married everyday and you don’t find a soul mate everyday. Put more effort into conflict resolution and meeting in the middle rather than digging your feet in the sand. Agree to disagree. You are an individual. You are entitled to make your own decisions and choices and you should.
Moving forward into the holidays, it should be noted that even in the midst of these lockdowns, October, November and December are months that although are technically “off season,” I’m always busy and just as booked as I would be during wedding season. Texas is relatively mild and often families are flying in for the holidays which gives the perfect window of having everyone in the same place at the same time.
Please don’t “assume my availability.” I perform traditional and non traditional weddings, baptisms, vow renewals and funerals year round in numerous states. If you are contacting me for services, I need the date, the location and more information to add you to our client files.
Thank you and hoping wherever you are that your family and loved ones are healthy and happy as well as hopeful for my many clients waiting to marry within a TDCJ, ICE or County Facility.
Cindy and I are staying busy this week helping our niece, Kori and her husband, Fernando move from Lompoc to DFW. Our sister, Tammy and her husband Rob made the trip with them so we can hopefully have one day to spend together around my crazy schedule.
I’m at Winstar tomorrow for a casino elopement but will answer all calls, texts, emails and DM’s as I can between work and family. Thank you.