Blending Families BEFORE the Wedding

While we are all familiar with single parent families, stepfamilies and traditional families, the phrase blended families may be a term you are not familiar with. What is a blended family? Sixty five percent of re-marriages include children from previous relationships, so the number of families “blending” to create stepfamilies is on the rise.

Any single parent knows how difficult it can be to introduce a new partner, you are negotiating in a mine field: when is the right moment to talk to your children? When should you introduce a new partner? When should actually live together as a blended family?

Of all the questions that have come my way, balancing a new blended family is at the top of the list! One person often hopes that two of the children around the same age will become friends, that an only child will relish the idea of having siblings or that the merging will occur without a major fallout.

Many parents are bewildered to find that their children who had seemed quite happy during the outings with another adult and his/her children- suddenly became angry or sullen when a wedding is announced and the prospect of living with another family now becomes real. For instance, how the original family breakup was handled and the way the new couples union is celebrated can certainly set the tone!

Second marriages are an amazing thing. Not only do you get to experience being in love and marrying that person again, but this time you also get to know you are with someone you love. You get the same first few years of excitement, a honeymoon and all of the things that went right the first time around.

I’m going to give a few tips regarding stepchildren and bonding with them prior to your marriage.

Camping or a road trip are always a great way to bond- you are secluded so there is no alternative. Something you may want to try is wearing matcha clothing such as t shirts so the child can keep their own memory of the event. My son nearly ten years later still has a t shirt that my husband bought when taking me, my son and his best friend on a trip to San Antonio.

Dining out us another way to help step kids adjust. Rather than traditional restaurants, I suggest family style restaurants and allowing the children to order for themselves- this additional responsibility will give them a degree of independence. One thing you need to remember though, if something goes wrong-DO NOT act out or make a scene about it! Remember, you are the step parent and anything negative may have twice the effect on your new step child than it would because you are not the birth parent.

To reduce stress at weddings, I suggest involving the children as much as possible. Remember, you aren’t just marrying your spouse, you are marrying their family. Try to get off on the right foot by taking your new step daughter to the hairstylist with you or to buy make up, buy a special piece of clothing. You want her to he as happy as you are walking down the aisle and proud of her new addition to the family- the step mom.

If you are about to e a step father, just like the step mother and step daughter, try to make your new step son a part of your big day. If you and your friends are having breakfast out in the morning, being junior along and treat him like one of the guys so he feels like he fits in with you. Be sure to purchase a groomsmen’s gift for your new son and put special engraving on it just for him. Let him know this day wouldn’t be as important to you without him there to enjoy it beside you. Make sure your friends pay special attention to him so the child feels involved in conversations and interactions.

Making sure your new step kids are ready to be a part of your wedding and your new blended family can take done work. Remember that all relationships take work and effort- start by building a bond and welcoming these children into your lives.

Have them help walk people to their seats at the wedding, find a perfect place for a backdrop photo opportunity for your new family. Giving your stepchild responsibility on your wedding day will not only make them feel grown up, but it also will make them feel grown up. This will help them keep from feeling guilty about being happy with their new mom/dad at the wedding.

Whenever possible, I’ve always encourage new step parents to try being at the very least-CIVIL to ex husbands or ex wives. Children listening to you speak badly about their parents will never be a feather on your cap me friend! Doing the best you can to remain slightly detached during visitation exchanges will keep the children AND the birth parent more comfortable about the situation.

I always welcome your questions or comments by using the contact us link at www.texastwinsevents.com

Reverend Wendy Wortham
682-229-6838