For Better or, For Worse? Why Passion & Perseverance Create a Winning Marriage…Wendy Wortham on Resilience
My husband, Matthew Wortham, thinks that the internet is “The Devil.” I laugh all the time about his very verbal opinions regarding social media.
You see, many young girls and adult women alike, believe that “Prince Charming” or, a wealthy suitor will come and “take them to the land of plenty” simply because their fantasies of “Wine and Roses” were the basis for childhood stories and movies too.
Fantasy and reality are often confused in a throw away society that often puts very little value on people.
Passion in a marriage is something that requires BOTH partners in order to achieve resilience and perseverance.
Often, my favorite line that comes from my heart, during a ceremony is “may when your hands grow withered and old, these hands will continue to seek the comfort from the hands that held their own through traumas, tragedies and triumphs throughout the course of the union as a couple.”
I mean this statement mostly because, I speak from my own tattered heart. My marriage has had a fair share of unexpected illness and, unexpected job loss after my husband (like so many others) lost everything except our home during the “real estate crash.”
Unemployed for nearly four years and, subsequently sued 12 times from development partners and banks who “called in the paper” ie: the loans, my husband watched with me while our luxury vehicles were repossessed and our lives fell apart.
Many of you “think” you know me, you don’t. Rather, you “know” what you see and that is only what I want you to see.
Many people ask my sister if there is “anything” that I’m afraid of? No, I’ve survived so many tragedies and traumas over my lifetime that I’m not afraid of anything other than the dark stranger of poverty. You see he doesn’t care what color you are- he doesn’t care what an affluent childhood you had- he comes when you least expect him and, his friend, the Grim Reaper takes those of you who are to weak to fight back! I am NOT weak, I am a warrior of many things.
Some of you may question where was my family during all these times of adversity? It’s a reasonable question. My sister was struggling with her husbands job loss after 24 years at Albertsons. Steve Daniel was forced to take a job with KBR at Camp Anaconda in a war zone to “save the farm.” Her youngest daughter was pregnant WITH TWINS! My sister is the only REAL family other than our children that I have ever had. No one has ever “helped” us other than our current husbands and, I want to make it crystal clear that we “look successful” intentionally in order for others to not seek out our own weaknesses and attack us using them. You see, I’ve stated all my life that what you don’t know is far more interesting than what you think you know for damn good reasons!
Not one to bury my head in the sand, I continued to work and attend hearings during the day to educate myself regarding real estate laws and, subsequently found myself present during a “cattle call” of consumers being sued for defaulted debts. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, these sad soldiers were a vision of my own future standing beside a lost husband whom had never been late paying anything in his life.
Within 6 months my husband had been sued. Panicked and struggling to save our home while working two jobs since my husbands only job history was in building and development- the internet, law libraries and, my perseverance would come in handy!
I successfully defended not only my husband but also thousands of consumers with my copyrighted key to overcoming the tragedy of job loss, wage cuts and unemployment here in North Texas with a package to clean up credit and the details of how I successfully used a pro se program (we couldn’t afford an attorney) to force each and every Plaintiff pursuing my suicidal husband to Non- Suit ie: Dismiss their lawsuit.
www.debtsurvivalinfo.com is my consumer information website and, when I have time I plan to publish “Wendy Wortham- Winning A Lawsuit.”
Selling our beautiful furniture and my thirty year collection of couture clothing, furniture and jewelry to survive left us with nothing other than a monster house I blamed for the struggles we suffered while saving the only asset we had left- our home.
After selling the oversized custom built home my husband loved, I decided my years of helping other consumers “swim in quicksand” had taken a toll on me at the same time my thyroid cancer was diagnosed immediately following a golf ball sized lump in my left breast.
I needed something to look forward to if I lived through this surgery! I had spent over a year finding old furniture on Craig’s List and EBay along with Goodwill, the Salvation Army and other thrift shops that I stripped, stained and refurbished to furnish our “new old home.” You see, we also had to sell our home furnishings to buy groceries and, in order to replace them cheaply, I had to “get creative!”
Since my previous employer had fired me while on medical leave for thyroid cancer, I had plenty of time on my hands!
Never once during our 7 year “war” did I consider leaving my husband because adversity had reared it’s ugly head one year after marrying him.
Divorcing someone because they go broke, suffer an accident and become a paraplegic, or some other unforeseen issue arises is not the way I’ve lived and, not the way I think.
In fact, by the time I became ill my husband had a job back in the industry he’d spent 40 years in and, he supported me by giving me “seed money” from the sale of our home to “go put and find something you enjoy doing. You are so good at so many things, you have also made millions of dollars for companies that took you for granted, go make your mark in whatever business brings you joy!”
You see he saved me and I had saved him, our hands had reached for each other rather than pushing each other away.
I often cry when I say this at weddings for I remember the days of not knowing whether or not we would save our home with the very real fear of homelessness haunting our every night in my beautiful prison. I cry because I had no one to save us other than myself. I cry because I won- I did it! I saved us and, I saved thousands of others. I cry because my husband considered suicide during our “darkest hours.” I cry because “when you have nothing- you have nothing to lose.” Finally, I cry because God gifted me with the gift of poverty and although my husband was terrified, poverty had held my hand many times before and, I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew hunger, I knew hard work and, I knew I would survive for failure was never an option!
Deciding to use my “seed money” to create a business that would address struggling consumers and “make dreams come true” was my vision from years of struggling myself along with my twin sister, Cindy Daniel.
My websites went up and to rise in search engines, I documented my unique journey within this business on two sites, www.texastwinsevents.com and, www.thepawningplanners.com mainly because the Texas Twins Events site addressee consumers who can afford low cost services and The Pawning Planners addresses consumers who have no money.
I believe if couples understood “up front” that marriage is a composition of sorts that is based on the firm foundation of compassion, commitment and love. Life is a struggle for everyone but, if you believe enough I believe you can achieve a remarkable life and, have a partner to share it with.
PS, after all these years of hating the internet, Matthew Wortham now realizes the internet was a friend to me for without it, no one would have ever read my blogs or, found me in the first place.
I think in a circle, my life is finally coming around to meet the other side and, I’m thankful that when dark clouds made my vision difficult- I waited for the sun to break through and guide my way.
Wendy M Wortham
The Pawning Planners