Highway Humor Wendy Wortham & Cindy Daniel “Hit the Highway” Ya All

It’s been thirty years since I drove a “straight through” between these two states.

My twin, Cindy lost her drivers license somewhere during our trip in California which prevented us from flying back to DFW business class on United.

The first car I rented after turning in my beloved Lincoln SUV, threw a road just prior to leaving the lot!

Man, I missed the Lamborghini! The quick response and sexy lines of the car in Beverly Hills right next to the Lincoln were so greatly missed by me as our butts bumped over the freeway “pedaling as fast as we could!”

While I was very sad that I couldn’t take the Lincoln one way to Texas, breaking down ten minutes after starting the economy “jolly jalopy” at Hertz gave me the distinct feeling of impending doom.

Returning to the customer service counter to explain our first rental hadn’t made it off the lot, charging me an additional $47 a day for the replacement “cave buggy” left me in a less than satisfied state dear and loyal readers.

On my last straight through with Cindy and her daughters, Leigh Ann Thomas and Stephaney Rene Mahaney I would struggle to stay alert on a diet of No Doz and coffee that produced stomach cramps and diarrhea within 13 hours of leaving Fort Worth.

Finally, locating a rest area, I had a few reservations when the headlights came across people sleeping on their cars and the sidewalks.

Cindy quickly yelled “keep going- this place is dangerous sister!” Yes, the same twin sister who invited a bloodied homeless man to dinner just last week in Cali!

Unable to drive much further, I pulled over as Leigh Ann and Stephaney slept in the make shift bed in the backseat.

Looking around to scout the coast was clear, I set about indiscreetly to relieve myself when an 18 wheeler came over the hills bright lighting and tooting his horn! Horrified, I told Cindy to give me a napkin or toilet paper and you can imagine the look on my face when instead, I was handed a Banana Peel.

The entire time concerned that another innocent driver might be exposed to a “don’t look Ethel” moment, I took the Banana Peel!

You know, road trips are never what you expect dear readers, what may start out as a fun adventure can quickly go completely awry.

On the way to Texas, I pulled over for a stranded motorist driving a uhaul with a minivan towed behind it. Walking up to the driver, I asked if he needed water, road snacks or a cigarette. The man started crying and told me he had been there 7 hours and no one had stopped to check on him.

You know, it always blows my mind that “drive friendly” is apparently a thing of the past these days when everyone is in such a hurry to get somewhere they fail to consider what’s going on in a strangers life.

My way of life is remarkably different, I can’t and won’t turn a blind eye to someone in need of help.

The only times I have ever experienced car problems have been in the state of Arizona. Because of this, I was terrified the car that I had rented from Hertz was incapable of going up a hill at faster than 40mph.

Ya all, that car was killing me, turning off the a/c and praying for a tail wind to pick up speed so I wouldn’t get caught in Arizona in the dark- a possibility that filled me with fear.

I was so nervous gassing the cave buggy up that I spilled gasoline on my feet that would later cause burns on the tops of both feet that became infected several hours later. On top of that, my left ear started bleeding and the pain was creeping down the side of my neck and settling into my shoulders. Two days later, my eardrum ruptured and required emergency surgery and tubes to drain the infection inserted.

We ran out of gas and had to push our cave buggy into the Loves Truck Stop, running out of has in the desert is dangerous! There are no call boxes or signs advising you of the next opportunity to refuel.

We found a rest stop in Arizona and I went in first. One step above an outhouse, I retuned to the car and grabbed my bottle of alcohol! Before I could warn her, she sauntered into the place- lol.

Want some hilarious video viewing? Visit out FB pages Wendy Thomas Wortham and Cindy Daniel.

While road trips are often funny and can be more tolerable with classic rock and disco music, some are exhausting and this trip was NO EXCEPTION.

Wendy Wortham