“A TOXIC Relationship Is A CHOICE Not An OBLIGATION”
I was up most of the night concerned about a client planning a wedding in November who has not one but two problems.
The first is that her fiancée is and has been being unfaithful. The second is that she realized last week that she’s pregnant.
This is and will be a very difficult “fork in the road for my client.”
My angst over this turn of events has robbed me of sleep.
Many people are surprised at what my clients share with me but they shouldn’t be. My clients tell me everything. Long after a marriage, I still hear from my clients about marital issues they need advice with or to celebrate the birth of a child or release of their loved one or simply to check in. I’m a surrogate mother of sorts to all of them.
The Federal Bureau Of Prisons has announced that visitation will be reinstated no later than October 3, 2020.
Due to the massive number of clients I have who have been waiting to marry an inmate, this good news came within days of the bad news my bride to be shared with me.
Why is it that good news always comes with bad news? I have no idea.
Attempting to plan a sweet 16 birthday party for my twin grandnieces is yet another escapade. Everyone in my family has different schedules.
Trying to orchestrate and organize ANY event with my family is always a headache prior to arguments on site between my nieces and my daughter in law.
My son and his wife’s work schedules conflict with my niece, Stephaney’s work schedule.
Stephaney is now working and doing well but after 16 years of setback after setback, my daughter in law and even Stephaney’s own daughters are still angry or apprehensive anticipating yet another setback with Steph.
My brother in law, Steve is an OTR driver with a crazy schedule that has him leaving tonight for a “hot load” to Cincinnati. He’s only been home one day. Steve missed many family events while in Iraq working as a fuel tank driver for 8 years at Camp Anaconda. I always try to schedule around Steve’s schedule now that he’s stateside.
My grandniece, Makenna started her first job at McDonalds yesterday. She is working 32 hours a week which I think is far too many hours but Makenna is driven at earning her own money to buy a car.
Juggling everyone in my families schedule for an event that has already been changed twice already due to someone’s schedule is by far more challenging than scheduling ever will be for my clients.
Good Lord, every holiday with my family is an argument of who needs to be where and when they might possibly make it to my home AKA WorthamWorld.
Sitting around all day waiting for all of my relatives to show up at the and open gifts at the same time is always stressful. Seriously I’m so sick and tired of being a juggler for my family to attempt to have the perfect holiday get together that I have all but given up entirely. I’m considering skipping Christmas and mailing gifts this year.
This pandemic and my schedule are just too much to try and navigate my own family arriving at the same time prior to refereeing on site arguments and bickering.
Every year I work at having the perfect holiday get together with my twin, my son and his family, my niece and her family, my other niece, my grandnieces and my brother in law. Every year some way somehow someone starts an argument.
My husband assumes his Clark Griswald role year after year trying to make everything perfect while realizing that grouping together my family for any event always turns out imperfect. I’m not kidding about this.
Neither of my nieces get along with my daughter in law. My son is stuck in the middle of arguments that can range from “why didn’t you give that to me? She always gets the gift I wanted.” The rest of my family rolls their eyes at the ongoing chaos. I grit my teeth at all of the effort my husband and I have put into trying to have a peaceful and happy event. My husband will no longer allow my niece, Stephaney in our home. “You and Cindy can keep doing everything you can to help her but I’ve had 15 years of chaos due to Stephaney and no longer will tolerate any more of the unpredictability your niece brings into our lives and our home. This hurts me but I understand his explanation. Cindy and I have had 16 years of trying to Save Stephaney while other family members have become angry regarding my twin sister and I being dedicated regardless of the outcome.
My bride who has 2 problems met with her mother this morning to discuss the pregnancy. She’s decided not to tell her father who is undergoing liver treatment. She’s not addressing the affair just yet. Why? She hasn’t confronted her fiancée about the affair OR the pregnancy. She isn’t ready.
The clock is ticking. A wedding in November with a bride I think should cancel but she believes that love will find a way.
The number of times I’ve tried to talk a client out of marrying shocks people. But, divorce leaves scars. My concern is that a divorce with a baby on the way that might also involve a custody battle is and can be far more emotionally devastating than a divorce. How do I know? I’ve been there and done that.
It’s been 25 years since my divorce and child custody battle but the scars remain.
We’ve decided for my bride to take a trip to Florida to visit her aunt and rest.
Her fiancée has stood her up at the cake tasting, the florist and Saturday, Taylor’s Rental. He has been tough to deal with as a planner and officiant so I can imagine how my bride has been dealing with his resistance during this planning process herself.
Things to think about when planning to marry someone who is unfaithful prior to marriage are that loyalty and trust are key to any successful marriage. My bride is “going into this” with neither. My heart breaks about this.
She had altered her mother’s wedding dress and is now concerned it won’t fit. We have no idea of how pregnant she is because she hasn’t been able to see her Dr in person due to Covid-19. She believes she is about two months along. In three months, she is sure to be “showing.”
We had planned the wedding during the holiday season so that her family members would be in Fort Worth. Every detail has been laid out and carefully adjusted to stay within guidelines.
The perfect wedding is turning out to be a perfect disaster. I am very concerned about what’s going to happen with this couple.
Last year I attempted to talk another client out of marrying after the other woman contacted my client and sent photos and videos of love letters to prove that Raul had been cheating. My bride took this factual information with a grain of salt while I begged her not to marry. Raul even admitted to playing both women. Ugh.
At the wedding while smirking at me at TDCJ Ellis Unit knowing that I had tried to talk the bride out of the wedding, Raul looked at me and said “I know you’ve heard a lot about me. I know you tried to talk her out of marrying me. Yet, here we are. I won.”
I wanted to slap that smirk off his face but remained professional and whispered back “I have heard everything from Valerie and Brandi and guess what? The first time you hurt her, I’m going to help her divorce you.” I smiled right back. Raul underestimated me. I was dead serious.
Two months later, paroled and living with my young bride, he hit Valerie. She contacted me and I helped her divorce him. She’s now happy and free of him.
It’s easier not to marry than to marry with issues and be effectively drug through a divorce.
I was married to a philanderer myself for 6 years. I filed for a divorce not once but twice.
The first time I canceled the divorce after being told “it was over.” It was never over and it never would be. Divorce hurts.
Makenna is loving her new job and independence at McDonalds while her twin sister is enjoying not working or working on getting a drivers license. Makenna’s friend, Tristan is jealous about Makenna’s job as it takes up time that Tristan wishes to spend with Makenna. This could be a dealbreaker and if it is, Tristan wasn’t the right boyfriend material. Control is the first red flag in a relationship. Independence is critical to growth.
Leigh Ann and Maddy will be in Texas for another 3-4 weeks and booking for photography sessions with Leigh Ann can go through this site or her FB Page, Maddie & Me Photography in Texas. Her California bookings are postponed until after Halloween.
Cindy and I are looking forward to getting back on the road and meeting our clients at your Federal, State, ICE or County weddings soon.
The number of new requests for TDCJ Weddings has been surprising but unless your LO is at a Unit already on my books, or within 1-2 hours of my existing booked Units, stacking your event onto an already burdened schedule isn’t going to be possible. I must address my previously booked and existing clients first.
New bookings will commence once Cindy and I have addressed everyone who was previously booked at the following TDCJ Units… San Saba, Allred, Ferguson, Michael, Coffield, Gurney, Powledge, Clements, Scott, Darrington, Stiles, Lewis, Holliday, Polunsky, Hobby, Crain, Hughes, Roach, Cole, Hutchins, Estelle, Estes, LeBlanc, Wynn, Powledge, Hodge, Beto, Gurney, Jordan, Wallace, Robertson and Middleton Units where we already have 3 to 8 pre existing clients booked.
Stacked Unit clients each have 20 minutes. We do not perform group weddings in Texas. Group weddings only occur in states that allow 1-2 days per years for ceremonies. Due to the limitations, group weddings are the only option we have.
Federal Unit bookings will be addressed first in Texas prior to taking on new bookings in other states.
A handful of state Units have reinstated visitation. To check your state, a map that’s updated has been pinned to my FB Page, Prison Weddings With Wendy Wortham. Be advised that pre registration requirements are required at many Units.
I’m not sure what will happen with my bride and her unique circumstances but I hope and pray that her fiancée changes his ways and prepares to be the husband and father she deserves or that she sees the light and cancels this wedding. I’ve already discussed with her mother the possibility of switching the wedding to a family reunion. After all, the venue and vendors are already paid. We might as well orchestrate a party of sorts and make use of the investment put into this wedding…